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Performance artist Sasha Krohn on his mental health theatre piece ’The Weight of Shadow’
Mental health has affected almost everybody’s life – whether it be one’s own self or a friend or family member. Circus artist, acrobat and dancer Sasha Krohn is no stranger to this – his partner, artist Cíana Fitzgerald has battled against clinical depression, anxiety, and PTSD for over a decade and a half.
Frustrated with how little the general population knows about – or talks about – these life-changing medical diagnoses, Sasha had the idea to write, choreograph and perform The Weight of Shadow, which, with no dialogue at all, tells the painful but poignant story of Cíana’s daily struggle in a visually stunning and emotionally moving way.
Those familiar with Cíana’s challenges will be deeply touched with the representation of the pain, and equally as importantly, the show aims to shed light on how it feels to be at war with your own mind for those who have not experienced it.
Can you tell us a bit more about the background of The Weight of Shadow?
Absolutely. ‘The Weight of Shadow’ follows 24 hours in the life of a person having to live with mental health issues. The inspiration for this show was my fiancée Cíana Fitzgerald. Cíana is the person in the show that I am “talking” about/portraying. She was diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, depression and anxiety more than 10 years ago. Her every day was, and is, engulfed in struggle. Seemingly easy tasks such as getting out of bed, going to the shop 50 metres from home for example are sometimes impossible to do, leading to a raging frustration with herself, forgetfulness, severe lack of emotions and energy.
Seeing that hurts deeply. Even more so when I don’t know how to help to ease her life – to at least make things lighter and clearer. At the same time, social media bombards me with videos of a glorified version of mental health, and “treatments”. ‘Feeling down? Can’t get out of bed? Got those weird thoughts again? Eat a piece of hot coal and dance your name in braille!’
I just feel there is an aspect of glorification out there, that diminishes the severity of how some people truly navigate through their life with mental health issues. On the other hand, I often found that people who were never, or rarely, openly subjected to mental health issues, either personally or through family and friends, could not quite understand how it truly affects the person and how deeply it’s anchored. Getting out of bed becomes a task that equates to climbing a mountain, the constant self-doubt mixed with a high level of anxiety, the uncontrollable feeling of drowning – it takes over your life.
My personal work is composed of mixing elements such as physical theatre, aerial acrobatics, dance and mime into wordless physical stories. Cíana explained and described in great detail how she feels and the difficulties of it all and I used that information to describe her day through physical language. My aim was to have an approachable way of depicting a difficult feeling and create a conversation around the topic.
Is there any spoken word in the show? Or just movement? How do you portray something so raw and intense such as depression and PTSD?
The whole show is only told in movement. I found this was the best way to truly show what it feels like and make it very apparent. As mentioned earlier, I used Cíanas descriptions as my guidance. What stuck out was three main things: tiredness (physically and mentally), self-directed anger/frustration, and fear. I then used these key words and elements to research the right movements, for example tiredness invites sluggish collapsing movements. Anything that drags and drops the body almost uncontrollably to the point of exhaustion.
Once I had a rough sketch of the movements and sequences I wanted to include, I started building the background to it all, the storyline. What’s happening, where is it happening, how is it happening. Everything fell into place quite naturally from then on. I tried taking two paths at the same time: one side physically depicting exactly as it is, and some of the parts through symbolism, or slightly surrealist depictions to leave a level of interpretation and freedom for the audience.
How important is it for you to start a discussion around mental health using this performance?
Very important. As mentioned earlier, we are already speaking quite openly about mental health issues in general, but there is still a lot of stigma that needs to be removed or at least discussed. On the other hand, I can see glorification in some parts, mainly on social media, almost like a mental-health fashion trend. It’d be wonderful if this show evokes an honest conversation, what ill mental health entails and feels like. To be able to open up to friends/family and equally to be met with acceptance and patience surrounding the topic.
One of the subjects I briefly pick up on is a personal struggle with body dysmorphia, something that has been haunting me for more than 10 years. Having had a history of anorexia that ended up a medical emergency left me a difficult relationship to my own body, even after years of treatment and changes. Especially amongst the male population, it’s something rarely talked about – at times even laughed about (again, speaking from personal experience, mainly men). I know that there are many people struggling with something similar and I hope that this show will resonate with them and hopefully encourage a conversation, but equally show other people how such issues can impact your life, and oftentimes only let you navigate with fear and worry in a lot of circumstances.
This is your Edinburgh Fringe debut. Why did you decide to bring The Weight of Shadow to the Fringe over anywhere else?
The company Flabbergast Theatre played a key-role in this decision. Their director and a good friend of mine Henry Maynard asked me if I’ve ever thought about bringing my work to the Edinburgh Fringe. Now, I didn’t think I’d be good enough to present my work on such a renowned platform. Henry opened my eyes about the opportunities, about the networking possibilities, the career growth it can provide and take you on. Edinburgh always seemed like a peak too steep to climb, but I had and have an incredible support through Flabbergast Theatre and Culture Ireland, which made it all possible.
Now this is all beating-around-the-bush material, so here’s my straight to the point reply: Edinburgh Fringe is an incredibly inspiring and important place, and to be able to debut this show there feels still a little surreal at this point. The festival itself is something special, and is not only such a unique festival due to the fantastic quality of works presented, but also an incomparable atmosphere to be immersed in. Every festival has its own magic and draw, but Edinburgh Fringe has something very unique and its own voice in the performance arts.
Fingers crossed that I can keep up with the standards there and not blow the reputation of the festival.
How do you want audiences to feel when they leave the Assembly after your show?
That depends. For those affected, I hope they come out feeling understood and seen.
For those not affected, I hope there will be a feeling of understanding, and maybe even curiosity to find out more and ask questions.
What I would wish for everyone to feel is courage to be open about these topics, to not take it lightly when somebody opens up about it, but also to see that there is hope. That all of this invisible weight will not always be there, and that by opening honest conversations about such heavy topics we’ll be able to create a feeling of normality and sense of belonging for those affected.
The Weight of Shadow will be performed at 12:15 at Assembly Checkpoint from 1st – 25th August (Not 7th, 22nd or 23rd)
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