Jane Upton talks about her play (the) Woman

Presented by New Perspectives and Royal & Derngate, Northampton, (the) Woman is a new, Bruntwood shortlisted play by Jane Upton about motherhood. When a successful playwright swaps long writing sessions for snatched moments of peace, and wild nights out for evenings in with a newborn, she’s left wondering how she’s supposed to continue being a successful artist, wife, and friend while everything she knew has changed. We spoke to Jane about writing the play.

Can you tell us a bit about what the play is about and what drove you to write it? 

It’s about a playwright who has kids and has to learn how to navigate this new version of herself, her life and her career. It’s like she gets to see a secret system that is operating where so many women are hiding big, messy parts of themselves in order to stay relevant, “successful” and attractive. And she’s railroaded by it.

How did the comment from your old school boyfriend about “expecting more” influence the tone and direction of the play?

I think the fact he made that comment, openly, really highlighted this (usually) insidious and widespread belief that once a woman has kids, any other potential she had is dead. It made me really examine my own misogyny and prejudice around motherhood too and the deep feelings of self-loathing I had in that period. This was the basis of the play and continued throughout the writing. I think this pressure to be “more” actually ruined some of the early days of motherhood for me because instead of just focussing on what I was doing with my children, which was shortlived in hindsight, I spent a lot of time panicking that I had to prove I was doing more.

The play examines how becoming a parent changes a woman’s identity. What surprised you most about your own identity shift after becoming a mother?

I was surprised by how much I thought I knew and how naïve I was about the kind of mother I thought I would be. Nothing can prepare you and the learning curve is steep. I think it’s made me realise how my brain works because I really struggle with routine and that wasn’t quite as obvious before I had kids. I think being exhausted and crusty and smelly a lot also made me unpick my relationship with sex and how that was formed in the 90s. I try to interrogate that in the play through the characters. Obviously as my kids grow I see various parts of my personality in them and that’s very confronting. I make a lot of mistakes and I watch myself making them but sometimes I feel powerless to stop. “They fuck you up, your mum and dad” often comes to mind.

The notion of “masking” is explored in the play. Can you talk about why this feels especially significant for women in early motherhood? 

I think you are going through this extreme change in who you are and that evolution takes time to grow into and understand and accept – I guess it never ends. I think it’s hard to know how to share that with other people because so many judgements come with it. You know for sure as a mother that people talk about you behind your back – whether you’re talking too much about the kids or not going out enough or working too much or “letting yourself go”. The expectations are high and many. At a very vulnerable time, it’s difficult to deal with all that. So people hide a lot or curate their experience via socials – thus exacerbating the vicious cycle.

You challenge the things that women are told about motherhood, including the idea that women can “have it all.” How does (the) Woman unpack this societal expectation?

There are lots of characters in the play who all put different pressures on the woman. The play tries to unpick those pressures through finding the deep truths within them.

As a playwright, what has been the most fulfilling part of bringing this deeply personal story to UK stages?

I loved writing this play. It was like air and breath. Speaking out loud about things that seemed to be caught in my throat for so long. There is so much joy to be found in the play – through truthful interactions with a bunch of deeply relatable characters. I really feel so many people will feel deeply connected to these conversations. Also, just working with loads of brilliant women has been really fulfilling. The play has enabled some really deep and truthful conversations between us and that’s not something you get every day in normal life. But it’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?! What else is there?

(the) Woman opens at Royal & Derngate, Northampton 13 – 15 Feb then tours until 15 March. Tour dates and tickets at www.newperspectives.co.uk