A Guide To Christmas For The Recently Separated Or Divorced

Christmas is coming, and for those who have recently been through a challenging break-up, separation or divorce, this time of year can often pose its own set of challenges. However, Pivot’s very own divorce and separation coach, Sarah Woodward, unpicks a few ways to approach the season ahead. It starts with creating new traditions, self-care and boundaries, and ends with a bucket list.

1. Start new traditions – Instead of keeping routines that you shared with your ex, use this Christmas to start some new traditions and claim the season as your own. Focus on what you truly enjoy which might mean gifting yourself something special, having a spa day or doing a holiday themed self-care ritual.

2. Make a plan – Make sure you have a plan for how you’ll spend the Christmas period rather than leaving it to chance. This doesn’t mean you have to cram it with loads of activities but have a good balance of spending time with loved ones and time to yourself to relax. Prioritise yourself and what you need.

3. Volunteer – There are a lot of people in need over the festive period. Think about volunteering for a charity that’s close to your heart. It’s a great distraction. As well as doing some good for other people, the act of kindness makes you feel better about yourself and activates your ‘happy hormones’.

4. Take a break from social media – The last thing you need is to be seeing everyone else’s idyllic Christmas posts in your feed. Remember most of what you see on social media isn’t real – it’s how people want to portray themselves. Instead follow some inspirational, positive accounts or better still have a complete break.

5. Learn to say No – Don’t say yes to things just because you feel obliged to. It’s difficult enough at this time of year so learn to say No to things you don’t want to do and be ok with that. If you don’t want to send cards or do presents – that’s fine. It can literally take all your energy to get through the day when you’re going through a breakup, so don’t put yourself under added pressure.

6. Make time for you – It’s difficult to make time for self-care at the best of times, let alone over Christmas which can be hectic. Try and carve out some time that’s just for you and do something you love - whether that’s reading a book, taking a soak in the bath, or going for a walk in nature.

7. Have a second Christmas – If your ex has the kids this year - then plan to have your own Christmas day together when they’re with you. It can still be a really special day with presents and Christmas lunch. It will give you something to focus on and to look forward to.

8. Ask yourself what brings you joy? List down at least 5 things that you love to do and that make you happy. Try and plan these in over the festive period, especially on Christmas Day. It’s time to be selfish and focus on yourself for a change, without feeling guilty. It's crucial for our wellbeing and happiness that we consciously ensure we experience positive emotions regularly in our life.

9. Catch up on boxsets or your favourite movies – Now’s the time to take advantage of the time off and immerse yourself in the boxsets you’ve been meaning to get round to all year. Laughter is a great way to change your mood, so also have a list of movies and TV programmes that never fail to make you laugh out loud.

10. Prepare your Breakup Bucket List – Take the time to focus on where you want to be this time next year. If you’re a visual person turn this into a vision board and put it somewhere that you can see it every day. What we focus on in life, we see more of, and you’ll find that opportunities start to come your way when you have clarity about what you want in life.